I met my girlfriend in September, 2013 a few days after my birthday. Considering the kind of year I was having, she was pretty much the best birthday gift I could possibly receive. Which is funny, since I literally had to talk her into meeting me. More on that later. My girlfriend, when I met her, had been a fan of Jonah Hill for about 3 years. She had pretty valid reasons – versatile actor, great voice actor, seems like a humble, regular guy and, as we all know, he’s one of the funniest people on the planet. What’s interesting is that she formed these opinions without having seen “Superbad.” “It looks stupid,” she retorted. “Why should I watch a movie about a badly dressed kid who desperately wants to get laid?” Since it was early in our relationship, I didn’t want to rock the boat and present my plethora of reasons why “Superbad” features some of the best writing in the world and that Hill is the best part of that movie. Well, she giggled through “Megamind,” became awestruck with the dark humor of “Cyrus” and faithfully rewatched “The 40 Year Old Virgin” just so she could say “Congratulations…” and continue the goldfish hooker boot exchange Hill’s character has with the hot grandma. Along with everyone else, she was impressed with Jonah’s performance in “Moneyball,” but not because of the whole “he stands solid against Brad Pitt!” mantra everyone was spouting. She loved that movie because it gave her a thorough education on how the game of baseball really works. And that’s one absolute trait about her that I find so damn endearing: she loves learning about sports. More on THAT later. Her true obsession probably flowered when she saw “Cyrus,” as she’s a huge fan of John C. Reilly. But she kept saying over and over, “Jonah is SO versatile. The great comics usually are. They can go from hilarity to villainy in less than five seconds. Try watching ‘One Hour Photo’ and you’ll get what I mean.” She said it a lot and I had my own doubts. Jonah is hilarious, there’s no denying that. But from comedy to drama? That’s a tough chasm to cross. And then Martin Scorsese proved me wrong. Everyone was anticipating “The Wolf of Wall Street” with the same fervor they do with the World Series. Not my girlfriend. “It looks kinda boring, don’t you think? I mean, my 80’s weren’t like that.” For the record, my girlfriend is six years older than me and so unlike me, she actually remembers the 80’s. I waited….it was only a matter of time. “Oooh, Jonah Hill has a big role in this one. Yeah, let’s go see it!” She loves Marty as much as I do, and I love Scorsese more than I love my parents, but she wasn’t going for him. She’s seen every Scorsese movie there is but she wasn’t going for him. Leonardo DiCaprio has a female following larger than the population of China but she wasn’t going for him. She was going for Jonah Hill and after that night…..it was all over. I love this woman. I love her more than anything in this entire world, and so I endure her obsession with Mr. Hill. She’d retired her Twitter account, which she’d signed up for in 2012 only to follow UFC. About a month ago, she reactivated it for the sole purpose of following Jonah Hill and whomever HE’S following. Funnily enough, the only person he’s following is Deborah Harry. Odd. So now, I can’t go one day without a Jonah reference. She’s an encyclopedia of movie trivia anyway, but now Jonah is thrown in like a pickle on a burger plate. No matter what, he’s there. And unlike me, she actually eats the pickle. So yeah, here I am….documenting my daily life which is blessed (seriously) with a rock solid relationship with my crazy girlfriend. She can hold a serious discussion about politics, religion, philosophy, the fine arts, geology, literature and anything related to food. She loves anything related to cinema and is the one person who can keep up with me in a war of movie quotes. She’s the smartest person I know and the sweetest. But there’s just something about Jonah Hill that taps into her brain AND her inner fangirl. And for that, Jonah…..you’re a dead man.